Randomizer
by KawaiiJoltic
Summary: The Doctor and River set the TARDIS controls on random, or technically allow the TARDIS to pick the location, and end up God-knows-where. All they know is that out of every place and time in the universe, the TARDIS chose that place, and the stars are going out.
1. In which River teaches TARDIS ED 101

Doctor Who fic!

It's about Eleven and River

It's called Randomizer

KawaiiJoltic wrote it

So let's get on with it

* * *

River was working on a game closely resembling a sudoku puzzle when the TARDIS materialized outside her cell door. She looked up and smirked as The Doctor popped out, sonicked the door open, and held out his hand. River ignored it and rolled her eyes.

"You said Thursday.", she berated.

The Doctor looked around. "And it's Thursday, right?", he asked hopefully.

River slapped him, and as The Doctor reeled from her shot, she scoffed. "Yes, it is in fact a Thursday!"

"I got it right?", he asked, sounding slightly surprised. "So why did you slap me?"

"Thursday, yes, but two weeks later than you said you'd come."

"Oh, yes. Sorry about that..."

River sighed. "Forget it. Where are we going to nearly die tonight?", she asked as she pulled the TARDIS doors open.

The Doctor followed her in happily, and then placed his hand on a metallic lever on the console. "Good question. I thought I'd hit the randomizer. How 'bout it?", he asked.

River nodded. "But technically, it's not a randomizer.", she corrected.

"Really?", The Doctor asked. "But that's what they always called it back in TARDIS ed."

"Actually, it's a 'let the TARDIS decide' lever, but I suppose since the driver has no input, it can be called a randomizer."

The Doctor smiled and pulled the lever. "Alright, Old Girl, what do you have in store for us this time?", he laughed. The console room lurched and started to screech, but suddenly stopped when River casually pushed a blue button. "And River, please don't do that.", The Doctor added. "It's no fun when you do that."

River groaned and pushed the button once again. "Now that's more like it!", The Doctor exclaimed manically as the room started to lurch and groan once more. River simply held on to a handle bar and rolled her eyes as The Doctor laughed.

The lurching and groaning soon stopped, and The Doctor whipped the doors open to a nearly pitch-black forest. The pair shuffled out of the machine to investigate their surroundings, and promptly fell off a cliff into a pool of water. River climbed her way out onto a nearby shore, The Doctor closely following her. "Please remind me to never let the TARDIS plan our date night again.", she complained.

"Oh, it's not so bad. I mean, it's the middle of the night, we have no clue where we are, and we just fell off a cliff, but we can make this work."

River sent a barely visible death glare towards the man. "You don't know where we are? I thought with all the traveling you've done, you knew everywhere!"

As he chuckled nervously, he pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver to light their surroundings. "Maybe that's why she brought us here? I mean, if I've never been here, maybe that's what she wanted to show us?"

"Maybe, but we'll see.", River said as she stood up and started walking away. "Have you ever used the 'randomizer' before?"

"Yeah. Last time was back with my friend Donna. We went to the Ood Planet and saved them from enslavement. And then they told me that my 'song would be ending soon', and I regenerated the next time I saw them, so they were pretty much spot-on with that prediction.", The Doctor explained as he started to follow River.

"Donna? You've never mentioned her before."

"Yeah. Long story. And don't trip on that root."

River stepped over a raised root and continued to walk. "Why can't we see anything? It's night, but there still should be stars, or moons, or something.", she inquired.

The Doctor looked up to see darkness filling the sky, save for a few small pinpricks of light. "Actually, there are a few stars.", he corrected. As he kept looking up, one of the stars seemed to vanish.

"River, did you see that?", he asked frantically.

"See what, sweetie?"

"That star! It disappeared!", he exclaimed.

River looked up, seeing only a mostly dark sky. "Don't see anything. What do you think, should we do the sensible thing and try to find the TARDIS, or look for trouble?"

The Doctor ran ahead. "Dark forest, unknown planet, and of every time and place in the universe, the TARDIS brought us here. So what do you say? River Song, would you like to do the honors?"

"What honors?"

"Oh, right.", The Doctor recalled. "I don't say that anymore, do I?"

"Say what anymore?"

"Long story. I'll explain it to you when we're sure we aren't in mortal peril."

River suddenly remembered a story about a diamond planet she'd been told. "Allons-y?"

"That's the one!", The Doctor exclaimed happily before confusion settled in. "When did I tell you that?"

"Spoilers.", River replied mockingly.

* * *

**_AN- I wrote this completely randomly, and I may or may not write more. I just felt like writing something. If anyone has any ideas of where to go further from here, please tell me. And I think we all know I don't own Doctor Who, so thanks for reading! -KawaiiJoltic _**


	2. In which River agrees with The Doctor(?)

Randomizer

The Second Chapter

Let's get on with it

* * *

River and The Doctor strode along in the dark forest for what seemed like hours, making occasional small talk.

"So, where are my parents tonight?", River asked out of the the blue, or more accurately, out of the black.

"I dropped them off for dinner at a eight-star restaurant on Klom. I'm about fourty-three percent sure their wedding anniversary is today, so I thought they'd enjoy it.", The Doctor reported.

"Send them my love." River grabbed her diary out of her pocket and pulled out a pen. "And where are we?"

"Just saw the Pyramids of Marzipan."

River smiled, remembering that crazy day. "Oh, that was fun. But my trainers smelled like almonds for about a month afterwards."

The two chatted for a while before The Doctor looked up once more to find the sky even emptier than before. "River, look at the sky.", he asked.

River gazed up to the black, and nodded. "It does look darker.", she admitted. "But you probably just saw a firefly, and now you're just making us paranoid."

"River, fireflies are only indigenous to Aneria-Opulant-Seven, you know that! And those little glow-y things on Earth, they aren't anything like real fireflies! They aren't even on fire."

"Or some sort of similar creature.", River corrected herself, annoyed.

The Doctor didn't reply, but continued to look up, and after a moment saw another star vanish suddenly and without warning. "There! It did it again!"

"Firefly-like creature.", River repeated.

"B-but it wasn't moving! River, just keep looking up.", The Doctor asked. River rolled her eyes and stared blankly at the sky.

"I don't see anything.", River complained, and no sooner did she say that did a star vanish once more.

The Doctor laughed in slight triumph. "Did you see that?"

"Yes. It did vanish, and I can't say there's a good explanation for it."

As The Doctor nodded, River racked her memory. "Has this ever happened before?", she asked.

"Twice, but the walls of reality were breaking down. Once it was because the Daleks were trying to use a Reality Bomb, and the other time, well, you were there..."

"Spoilers!", River exclaimed.

"Right. So, whatever this is, it can't be good."

Suddenly, an odd noise boomed somewhere in front of the pair, and a cry of "Doctor!" emanated from ahead. River and The Doctor rushed to greet the source.

They found a familiar man collapsed on the foliage, attempting to get up. Recognizing him, The Doctor smiled slightly. "Hello, 'Captain'."

Jack Harkness stood up and saluted jokingly. "Hello Doctor. You've... changed."

River wasn't entirely certain of what was going on. "I don't believe we've met. I'm River Song, and you need to stop flirting with my husband."

"'Husband'?", he asked, confusedly. He shook his head. "Sorry, but I don't have time for small talk. Actually, I have about oh...", he glanced at his watch. "Twenty seconds. So, I need you and your 'husband' to follow these coordinates. And please, try not to die." He suddenly dropped a notebook, stepped back, and vanished in a swirl of light and color.

The Doctor picked up the notebook to see some intricate circular markings on it. His blood ran cold as he registered the meaning of the note.

"River, we need to find the TARDIS and enter these coordinates.", he explained while showing her the note. She squinted and attempted to make out the sloppy Galifreyan writing.

"Alright, but who wrote this note?", River asked. "I mean, I really can't write Galifreyan, so is it a note from you in the future?"

"Must be.", The Doctor stated. "So, we need to follow these coordinates and we should probably pick up Amy and Rory on the way."

* * *

**_AN- Um, just so you know, I don't know where this is going any more than you do, except that it might involve *spoilers*, Martha, and/or *spoilers*. So, any ideas?_**

**_Review Reply-_**

**_dukekitty- Thank you! That is one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten! Im so glad I got the characters right. I was a bit scared they'd end up OOC. And it's like a script from the show? Really! Ohmigosh, thank you so much! Your review meant the world to me, and I'll try not to disappoint you!_**


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